Black Fatherhood in the 21st Century

I was recently invited to the House of Commons to the launch of a campaign on Black Fatherhood. The event was hosted by David Lammy MP and the Runnymede Trust. There were about fifty people in the audience, many of whom were involved in groups already doing great work on fatherhood.

David told the audience that he had been concerned about fatherhood for many years: his own father had left when he was 11 years old, he explained the effect this had on him and his family, and how it had felt like a personal betrayal. He recognised that a lot of people in the black community had private conversations about affects of fathering on family life, and said it is time to be brave enough to talk openly about it. In his speech he explained the particular challenges that face the black community – it is well worth reading.

David has started making these conversations public by producing a video showing discussions about fatherhood with black men of all ages and backgrounds. I found it really hardening to see a group of black professional men sitting on the House of Commons terrace discussing the effect their fathers had had in their lives.

One of the fathers in the audience was sporting a black t-shirt with 'I am the Dad' across the front. It turns out he's set up an organisation of the same name, has a band called Green Jade and is releasing the single Fathers Day in time for Fathers Day.

I met some of the other good people from organisations promoting fatherhood, you might want to check these out: Mighty Men of Valour, 100 Black Men and DadsHouse.

Think Long-Term

Last week I addressed an 'A' Level Citizenship course at Oaklands College, St Albans on community involvement. We looked at the why and what and how of community work, identified areas each student could get involved in locally, and discussed community cohesion and social capital. The advice I gave them was:

• get involved, but don't let it take over your life
• enroll others, but understand their interest and commitment will vary
• recognise projects have cycles
• think ahead and plan for the project to continue without you

The following day I was helping at the youth club, set up as part of the Creating Safer Communities for All project in Leighton Buzzard, and was given the opportunity to practise what I had preached. The youth club had had a good first year, but then two of the five founding volunteers had moved on and it had taken a while to recruit some more. We just thought it was sorted, when changes in personal circumstances of three of the new volunteers meant they were unavailable. Also the mum who'd taken on the leadership of the club was getting tired. Her partner, wanting to protect her, was all for her packing it in. My view was rather than getting despondent, we needed to make it more manageable, get more people involved, make a rota to reduce the burden and train people to take over.

So that's our plan. And on the first night of the new rota, a mum came by and said she wanted to get involved. A couple of days later a friend told me about her 16-year-old sports-mad stepson who is great with younger kids, but needed some focus. She's going to talk to him about helping out.

Considering these good omens I think it's going to turn out fine.

Stranger Danger

I recently addressed a meeting of neighbourhood watch coordinators, asking them if they would be prepared to pilot a community-building concept in their area. The idea is simple: reduce and prevent problems with youth by asking neighbourhood watch volunteers to get to know the children, parents and young people in their street. The group liked the idea in principle and some people said they already knew the youngsters on their patch. However for those who didn't, there was a concern: what if the parents had a problem with an adult talking to their children?

It's OK I said, this is much simpler than it sounds. Just smile and say hello as you pass – treat young people with the same courtesy you would an adult. If you get to know children as they grow up, then when you catch them doing something silly and ask them to stop, they'll probably say sorry. If the first time you speak to them is to tell them off, they may not be so polite.

Despite the positive reception at the meeting, I left saddened. Something has gone badly wrong in the UK when decent citizens worry that they will be treated with suspicion if they talk to a youngster.

Manhood

I've spent the last seven Mondays in a young offenders' institution piloting the a behaviour change programme called 'Silence the Violence' brought in from South Africa. It was an emotional journey for all of us.

At the awards ceremony the boys told the deputy governor and other staff what they had learned. One of them summarised it like this:

A male is someone who can make a baby.
A man is someone who brings that baby up.

From boys who had been badly let down by their fathers this was pure gold.

Volunteering

I'm convinced that the way to create what we want and need in our communities is not by complaining about what governments – local and national – are not providing, but by coming together and creating what we want ourselves.

If the council provides a youth club / sports club / social club / drop in – that's great. But if it doesn't, and that's what the community needs, it just takes two or three committed people to get the ball rolling.

This is not about needing people with qualifications and training, it's about having people with a good heart and lots of enthusiasm. And the good news is that a voluntary group is not subject to changing funding priorities so, as long as finances are kept simple, is in control of its own destiny.

When people take charge of their own destiny they grow. It may take time and seem like hard work at times, but most volunteers get as much out as they put in, by seeing the difference they make to their community. When the feel good factor wears off it's time to hand the baton on to others, and if you make volunteering part of the culture of the organisation, there will always be someone else to take over.

Creating Safer Communities for All           Spring 2009 

Our Aim is for Leighton Buzzard to be a place where:
➢ there is a sense of community that allows everyone to feel safe
➢ young people feel recognised, valued, respected and catered for
➢ adults feel respected by young people

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TWO NEW YOUTH CLUBS IN LEIGHTON BUZZARD
The new youth club at Pages Park opened on 28th January. It is in the pavilion on Wednesdays from 6.30 to 8.30 pm. Huge thanks to parents Toni Smith and Julie Wilks and teachers Phil Chaffey and Kieran Dell for making this happen, and to the police and councillors for helping with the funding. As the nights get lighter and the children can use the courts behind the pavilion for games we could do with some more volunteers, so if you would like to help out on an occasional or regular basis contact Toni on 07908-173073.
We now have a template for setting up a club, so if you would like to see a youth club in your neighbourhood we’d be pleased to tell you how it’s done!

Bedfordshire Youth Service has refurbished the youth centre on Vandyke Road. The youth club at Leighton Buzzard Youth Centre is for Year 8 and above on Thursday evenings from 7.00 – 10.00 pm.
The centre also offers sessions in Manga art (Japanese cartoons), dodge ball and street dance, and provides meeting space for young parents, Connexions, the Autism Bedfordshire youth club and the Youth Cabinet. More activities are planned for later in the year.

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WIMPEY CONTRIBUTES TO BORED LADS
It’s good to have examples of how the safer community philosophy works - here’s a story from one of our members:
“My father-in-law worked for Wimpey up at the Pages Priory development. There was a group of young lads who were knocking about the site, causing a few minor problems. Instead of confronting them and being negative, he spoke with them and realised they just had nothing to do and were bored. He managed to liaise with the management at Wimpey and negotiated a small fund to pay for a football goal. As a result the boys were as good as gold and didn’t cause any more trouble.”

SAFER COMMUNITIES INVOLVE PEOPLE FROM EVERY GENERATION
Over 200 people have attended talks for parents put on by the extended schools service. These have been about boys, teenagers and raising confident children (see next page for future dates). It’s been lovely to have grandparents in the audience, as their experience can bring a different perspective to bringing up children. In fact the older generation is vital to the project of creating a safer community for everyone in our town. Not only do older people have the wisdom and experience that only comes with age, but they are also likely to spend more time in the community and live at a slower, saner pace. This means they have time to get to know the youngsters on their street, pass the time of day with them as they grow up, pass on knowledge and skills, and give them a sense of community. When children feel they are part of a community and are treated as though they matter, they develop a sense of loyalty and responsibility to that community that benefits us all.

EVENTS

Confident Children with Lucinda Neall on helping children develop into caring, capable and confident people will be held at the following schools starting at 7.00 pm:

Wednesday, 20th May at Leighton Middle School
Wednesday, 3rd June at Heathwood Lower School
Wednesday, 17th June at Brooklands Middle School
Monday, 29th June at Stanbridge Lower School

CYCLE TRAINING
GoCycle are putting on a series of Bikeability sessions: alvina.farrow@leightonlinslade-tc.gov.uk 01525 635 111

Contact:    Lucinda Neall     01525-220846     lucinda@neallscott.co.uk     www.aboutourboys.com 

A Good Childhood

This month the Children's Society published its report on childhood in the UK, A Good Childhood – Searching for Values in a Competitive Age.  Noting that the UK comes out poorly in studies of child welfare compared to other developed countries (except the United States), it looks for the causes and solutions to the problem. It concludes that in recent decades family and community values have weakened and the void has been filled with excessive individualism, with everyone being encouraged to go for their own happiness and success, without thought for those around them. This pursuit of 'happiness' has led to a decline in trust in society, a reduced sense of community, and increases in conflict and separation in families. 

The report does not shy away from talking about the values we need. This is its concluding paragraph: 

So it is possible to construct a modern society in which there are higher levels of child well-being than in Britain. The key is an ethic in which we care more for each other. As the psychological evidence shows, this yields a double benefit – other people treat us better and we feel better from helping them. It is a world like this, built on the law of love, that we should create with our children.

The Law of Love –  I like that.